School Is Hard. Our Students Need More Empathy

Sometimes I think adults forget what school felt like.

I know I do.

When I look back on my own high school years, I remember how heavy life could feel at times. I was juggling AP classes, extracurriculars, leadership responsibilities, SAT prep, college applications, and scholarship pressure. At the time, it all felt enormous. And in many ways, it was.

But as life moves on, it becomes easy to lose touch with that reality.

Since high school, I have lived through several very different seasons of life. I went to college, earned my degree, worked in corporate finance, left that path to pursue work that felt more meaningful, built a tutoring company, and now serve students both as an educator and as a private tutor. Each season has brought its own challenges, responsibilities, and kinds of stress. Some parts of adulthood are harder than high school. Some are easier.

But one thing that has become clearer to me over time is this:

Just because we have moved on from being students does not mean students have it easy.

In fact, working closely with students has reminded me of the opposite.

Whether I am in my teaching roles at schools like Charlotte Latin or working one-on-one with students through Purpose Tutoring, I see firsthand how hard many young people are working. I see the late nights. I see the pressure. I see the mental fatigue. I see the discouragement that creeps in when a student starts to believe that no matter how much effort they give, it still might not be enough.

And honestly, in many ways, school feels even harder now than it did when I was growing up.

Today’s students are navigating a world of constant comparison, constant stimulation, and constant performance. They are trying to succeed in school while also thinking about college, leadership, sports, service, internships, test scores, social lives, and their future. For many of them, it feels like they are expected to be impressive all the time.

The worst part about this is that the pressure they feel is based in reality. The college admissions world has become intensely competitive, and students often feel that reality long before they ever submit an application. At many elite colleges, admission rates remain below 5%. Meanwhile, students are often applying to more schools than before, which can make the whole process feel even more consuming and high stakes. Even for students who are not aiming at the Ivy League, the culture of competition trickles down. It shapes how students think about grades, activities, and what kind of person they need to become in order to be “enough.”

And that is only the academic side.

Students today are also growing up in a digital environment that previous generations simply did not have to manage. Jonathan Haidt has helped bring mainstream attention to the argument that the shift from a more play-based childhood to a more phone-based childhood has had deep effects on adolescent mental health and development. Even where experts debate the exact size or mechanism of those effects, there is broad agreement that young people are facing serious mental health strain and that digital life has changed childhood in meaningful ways.

The mental health data is sobering. According to the CDC’s 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, about 4 in 10 high school students reported persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, and about 2 in 10 seriously considered attempting suicide. Those numbers describe a level of distress that should make every adult pause before dismissing student struggle as laziness, fragility, or lack of discipline.

Researchers and practitioners who work closely with adolescents have been sounding the alarm for years. Denise Pope and the team at Challenge Success have documented how many students, especially in high-achieving environments, feel overwhelmed by pressure, trapped in “doing school,” and disconnected from genuine learning. Their student surveys continue to show high levels of pressure to succeed. Similarly, psychologist Suniya Luthar has argued that excessive pressure to excel in high-achieving communities is now considered a major risk factor for adolescent mental health.

That matters to me because I work with exactly these kinds of students.

I sit across from students who are bright, capable, and full of potential, but who are also tired. Sometimes, rather than hearing another lecture about “working harder,” they just need someone to help them slow down, make sense of the material, regain confidence, and remember that struggling does not mean they are failing at life.

That is a big part of why I care so deeply about tutoring and education.

Yes, I want students to improve their grades. Yes, I want them to become stronger writers, thinkers, and problem-solvers. Yes, I want them to reach their goals.

But beyond all of that, I want them to feel seen.

I want students to know that if school feels hard, that does not mean something is wrong with them.

It may simply mean that what they are carrying is, in fact, hard.

Before we label a student as lazy, let’s ask what pressures they are under.

Before we dismiss their stress, let’s remember what it felt like to be young and uncertain.

Before we push harder, let’s consider whether what they need most is not more pressure, but more support.

The CDC has found that school connectedness is one of the strongest protective factors for young people’s well-being. Students do better when they feel known, supported, and connected to the adults around them. That should challenge all of us. Academic success matters, but students aren’t machines. They are human beings, and human beings thrive when they are met with both high standards and real care.

Let’s give ourselves permission to acknowledge that doing our best in a hard season is already something worth honoring.

School is hard.

Life is hard.

But empathy helps.

And our students need more of it.